Facing my Fear of Failure
“I could __________, if I put forth the effort.”
a. have the body I want
b. be an Instagram baddie
c. get out of debt
d. be a better student
e. write a screenplay
f. host a successful blog
I am currently struggling with all of those things to varying degrees. I want to be better, but I don’t want to put forth the effort required to be successful. So I put forth minimum effort and accept that I failed because I didn’t actually try.
This is just fear of failure manifested. I am refusing to try because I’m afraid I will look silly if I don’t succeed. Why am I embarrassed by failure?
In 2016, I quit my job as a natural gas engineer to do… well I hadn’t figured out what I wanted to do quite yet. I just knew that I was 23 and surrounded by people who took their jobs too seriously and I needed more adventure in my life. Adventure that couldn’t be found in a weekend hobby or using paid vacation days. After two months I decided I wanted to be a real estate agent. I gave myself one full year to match the salary I was making as an engineer to decide if real estate was right for me. Spoiler alert, it wasn’t. I just didn’t have the stuff. I wasn’t self-motivated in the proper way to succeed at the cut throat, 100% commission, cold calling, 4 out of 5 who try this will fail, world of real estate professionals. And until I landed another engineering role I was genuinely embarrassed by this defeat. I had tried a thing publicly. I told everyone I was a realtor. And now I’m an engineer again.
One day I was lamenting to a friend on my string of failures. And he gave me quite the perspective shift; allowing myself the opportunity to fail was an act of bravery. I had stepped out on faith and savings and pursued a field so extremely far outside my comfort zone to fulfill a dream that I’d been secretly holding on to for years. The fact that I tried is the part to be celebrated regardless of my current real estate license status.
Having acknowledged this, I want to take this opportunity to face my fear of failure head on. I want to actively pursue things that scare me in order to better myself. And I want to use my blog as an opportunity to push myself further. I will be setting goals for things I’ve been wanting to achieve for a while with specific deadlines with follow up articles hosted here. I’m excited to go through the process of building new habits and ultimately becoming the version of myself I’ve always imagined.
Goal 1: Fully furnish/decorate my home. One of the things that establishes adulthood is creating a space that you can claim as home. So my next blog post will be Saturday, June 13, 2020 with a home reveal.
